yes,i dont know y that it keeps on rewinding it self in my head.its my past.spesifically HRR.
hariri come into mind when yesterday he pops out in ym n say hi.nothing much we chat.but somehow theres a feeling that he got so much to say but he keeps it away.
who's HRR?
well...bck in highscewl, i was in form four...my gals when ga-ga over this real cute guy and i was lucky to finally get intouch with him bcos of my petsis who suggest that i should ask exam papers from him.sbp exchanging papers thingy.
i frown on why these gals strive so hard to get his attention.when i start texting him, i can tell his ego was superb...well..it trouble me nothing that i only interested on exam papers n nothing else...but later the gals finds out that he pays more attention on me more than the rest of the gals.why...ofcos...bcos i dont have hidden agenda n he's only interested on studies...makes him the legendary 10As of his class.nice job!
he went to national service is when he starts to make a routine to call me at 8am, 12pm, 8pm...and later we're axclusive.amer hadi was the witness through out the lovely affairs we had.
his family was realy nice too...but i felt theres the same strictness n stress i had at home but it troubles me more bcoz i keep thinking hard to always impress them n always cover my personality?not that im saying his family was this n that...they were perfect.it was my personal inner crisis that fail to comfort myself among them.
hey...lets get bck to hrr...
it become a love of a lifetime when we both registered as cenfos student.
i wasnt really ready to have a bf.let aside commitment.so i was struggling with myself to be really commited to him...i was 18 n i finally get some freedom to bloom my personallity n learn about the world outside.while hrr was so passionate n patient standing still by my side regardless of how bad my attitude was.
my pain n tears was his...he would always wipe it away n carry the whole burdon on him.he was really sweet n WAS A PERFECT LOVER n that title never change ever since i left.
you see..i hate math so bad. i cried evry after the lecture n when i make an exit after the lecture, he would definitely be standing at the end corner of the corridor, smiling with a slight worries expresion on his face, holding either choc or lollypop. anything that i call favourite...yes he knows evry bit of me.and me?i finally find myself contented. hrr is my whole world then.
it was a fairy tale love story for 1 year n later i start to churn my feelings...
i can tell im growing up at the opposite direction of his personallity. a year of repeating public comments on how we dont match that his very angelic n i look devilish undercover...finally gets it all in my head n heart affected!i start to acumulate some strange feelings when i finds it hard for hrr to get along with my frens...he did tried his best n he seems okay but i feels that its not that good since he make too much effort but in a way hurt whenever my frens says stuff bout him.well..some did comented that he's not good enuf but to me his perfect.i dont mad at them saying stuff, i can let go of frens ( i thought) they dont know hrr well...they will later sees the perfection i see in him.well...they did but it was too late.i cant seem to miss any havocness of teenagers life wif frens that i fed up to be accompanied by hrr.he's not too protective or what ever.he just worried bout me n hell deep in his heart he could sense the naughtiness in me become fonder. ME? i never know myself well enuf like he did!
i feds up on no solid reasons n starts put up my bad2 atitude. hrr was still so nice to me. he prep me up with mac laptop, video ipod, shuffle ipod, pendrive, cameras...
later i felt that its not nice.
i start to have feelings that gets our love affairs tainted n he's still this 300% inlove while on my part is less n less by days passes by...
i will not make used of him...
ive burdoned him too much...
ive hurt him bad...
i in a way betrayed him with all sorts i had in mind...
i am not having enough of live yet
n am growing not as how he expected...
i insist to put it all to an end...
i crushed on a senior.this made me think that i shouldnt but i cant help but crushing this eye candy.he shows interest too.n my fed up feelings on hrr tillings up.plus...i beg for space n time of my own n granted him hang out with gals to make him see the other gals n start thinking that i may not worth to gamble life for...but then, he went out with his ex n didnt call the whole day n i start to suspicious n think bad.it does fires me up n we start to have a terrible fight.i acused him to still keeping feelings for the ex.i did jealous but its not dat i did dat just to have reason to leave.but i did thought he do have feelings for the ex ( with some other circumstances)...i saw that we're equal. n so i calls up a break n start dating ayman.but i did not let go of him. i hurt him bad by then,but i cant live without him.
i dont let go bcos he's way hurt than keep on hoping im coming bck n i was sooo clingy n grows up having him all the time with me...letting hrr go is like detaching aonther part of me.
so i insist to let him hate me.
in the same time, ayman n me gets a lil more serious n we went on a few dates.
n since that, hrr is a twin i hardly resist not to tell him of evry bit that happened to me.
i thought that time i was inlove with ayman.
deep in me, i know i cant live without someone to care bout me as bf.becaused ive used to spoilt by hrr. since ayman shows interest.i tried to make hrr fed up n leave.i define that stage as "cinta jd syg" to hrr.i know i hurt n cause all damages to him. but i cant go on like this. n the main reason is that, i wanted to stop burdoning him n relying all sorts of prob on him. while i crush another guy! its a sin for god sake.but when i was young i cant seem to know how to handle feelings n what is normal n whats not.n i was about to learn the exact definition of cinta, kwn, crush, syg, n frenship.
letting hrr go is my biggest mistake...i know that...evryone told d same. even my later bfs.
but i never have the regret bcos i know he deserves more than i am.
im not a nice person.
n im growing up as a lady that dont fit his nice attitude n perfection.
i know, i was the hardest pain for him n he was the greatest to me.
i realised this ever since i decided to leave.
n what happened later, i knew that it was a punnishment to what ive done n pay bck to all pain i gave him...but i dont turn bck bcz i felt as i grow older, im not at par to him n all urges in my heart to fullfill my youth desires is far contradict his. not to decline opposite lives happily in some cases. its just i am not for a perfect him.what alse to be considered? n today...im far drifted away from him.
but i'd like to thank him for a memorial fairytale lovestory that i would never forget.
maybe this is how that girl in peterpan felt...hehahha..
i never stop praying that hrr will always blessed with success n hapiness.
dear hrr, take care.
hariri come into mind when yesterday he pops out in ym n say hi.nothing much we chat.but somehow theres a feeling that he got so much to say but he keeps it away.
who's HRR?
well...bck in highscewl, i was in form four...my gals when ga-ga over this real cute guy and i was lucky to finally get intouch with him bcos of my petsis who suggest that i should ask exam papers from him.sbp exchanging papers thingy.
i frown on why these gals strive so hard to get his attention.when i start texting him, i can tell his ego was superb...well..it trouble me nothing that i only interested on exam papers n nothing else...but later the gals finds out that he pays more attention on me more than the rest of the gals.why...ofcos...bcos i dont have hidden agenda n he's only interested on studies...makes him the legendary 10As of his class.nice job!
he went to national service is when he starts to make a routine to call me at 8am, 12pm, 8pm...and later we're axclusive.amer hadi was the witness through out the lovely affairs we had.
his family was realy nice too...but i felt theres the same strictness n stress i had at home but it troubles me more bcoz i keep thinking hard to always impress them n always cover my personality?not that im saying his family was this n that...they were perfect.it was my personal inner crisis that fail to comfort myself among them.
hey...lets get bck to hrr...
it become a love of a lifetime when we both registered as cenfos student.
i wasnt really ready to have a bf.let aside commitment.so i was struggling with myself to be really commited to him...i was 18 n i finally get some freedom to bloom my personallity n learn about the world outside.while hrr was so passionate n patient standing still by my side regardless of how bad my attitude was.
my pain n tears was his...he would always wipe it away n carry the whole burdon on him.he was really sweet n WAS A PERFECT LOVER n that title never change ever since i left.
you see..i hate math so bad. i cried evry after the lecture n when i make an exit after the lecture, he would definitely be standing at the end corner of the corridor, smiling with a slight worries expresion on his face, holding either choc or lollypop. anything that i call favourite...yes he knows evry bit of me.and me?i finally find myself contented. hrr is my whole world then.
it was a fairy tale love story for 1 year n later i start to churn my feelings...
i can tell im growing up at the opposite direction of his personallity. a year of repeating public comments on how we dont match that his very angelic n i look devilish undercover...finally gets it all in my head n heart affected!i start to acumulate some strange feelings when i finds it hard for hrr to get along with my frens...he did tried his best n he seems okay but i feels that its not that good since he make too much effort but in a way hurt whenever my frens says stuff bout him.well..some did comented that he's not good enuf but to me his perfect.i dont mad at them saying stuff, i can let go of frens ( i thought) they dont know hrr well...they will later sees the perfection i see in him.well...they did but it was too late.i cant seem to miss any havocness of teenagers life wif frens that i fed up to be accompanied by hrr.he's not too protective or what ever.he just worried bout me n hell deep in his heart he could sense the naughtiness in me become fonder. ME? i never know myself well enuf like he did!
i feds up on no solid reasons n starts put up my bad2 atitude. hrr was still so nice to me. he prep me up with mac laptop, video ipod, shuffle ipod, pendrive, cameras...
later i felt that its not nice.
i start to have feelings that gets our love affairs tainted n he's still this 300% inlove while on my part is less n less by days passes by...
i will not make used of him...
ive burdoned him too much...
ive hurt him bad...
i in a way betrayed him with all sorts i had in mind...
i am not having enough of live yet
n am growing not as how he expected...
i insist to put it all to an end...
i crushed on a senior.this made me think that i shouldnt but i cant help but crushing this eye candy.he shows interest too.n my fed up feelings on hrr tillings up.plus...i beg for space n time of my own n granted him hang out with gals to make him see the other gals n start thinking that i may not worth to gamble life for...but then, he went out with his ex n didnt call the whole day n i start to suspicious n think bad.it does fires me up n we start to have a terrible fight.i acused him to still keeping feelings for the ex.i did jealous but its not dat i did dat just to have reason to leave.but i did thought he do have feelings for the ex ( with some other circumstances)...i saw that we're equal. n so i calls up a break n start dating ayman.but i did not let go of him. i hurt him bad by then,but i cant live without him.
i dont let go bcos he's way hurt than keep on hoping im coming bck n i was sooo clingy n grows up having him all the time with me...letting hrr go is like detaching aonther part of me.
so i insist to let him hate me.
in the same time, ayman n me gets a lil more serious n we went on a few dates.
n since that, hrr is a twin i hardly resist not to tell him of evry bit that happened to me.
i thought that time i was inlove with ayman.
deep in me, i know i cant live without someone to care bout me as bf.becaused ive used to spoilt by hrr. since ayman shows interest.i tried to make hrr fed up n leave.i define that stage as "cinta jd syg" to hrr.i know i hurt n cause all damages to him. but i cant go on like this. n the main reason is that, i wanted to stop burdoning him n relying all sorts of prob on him. while i crush another guy! its a sin for god sake.but when i was young i cant seem to know how to handle feelings n what is normal n whats not.n i was about to learn the exact definition of cinta, kwn, crush, syg, n frenship.
letting hrr go is my biggest mistake...i know that...evryone told d same. even my later bfs.
but i never have the regret bcos i know he deserves more than i am.
im not a nice person.
n im growing up as a lady that dont fit his nice attitude n perfection.
i know, i was the hardest pain for him n he was the greatest to me.
i realised this ever since i decided to leave.
n what happened later, i knew that it was a punnishment to what ive done n pay bck to all pain i gave him...but i dont turn bck bcz i felt as i grow older, im not at par to him n all urges in my heart to fullfill my youth desires is far contradict his. not to decline opposite lives happily in some cases. its just i am not for a perfect him.what alse to be considered? n today...im far drifted away from him.
but i'd like to thank him for a memorial fairytale lovestory that i would never forget.
maybe this is how that girl in peterpan felt...hehahha..
i never stop praying that hrr will always blessed with success n hapiness.
dear hrr, take care.
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2 comments:
dang!
mixed feelings lpas bacer this entry,,
awesome n very sincere when it comes to sharing feelings and emotions i can say,,
two thumbs up girl~
xoxo
the girl in peterpan is Wendy.
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